I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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