GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
