Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
