My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
