It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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