You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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