Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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