At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
