I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
