Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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