I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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