He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
