where am i from again
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
