come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize