uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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