you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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