Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize