I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
