broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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