bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
