do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
