She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
