In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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