Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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