i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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