Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My hand turned me down
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
