My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
