So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
