Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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