You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
