I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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