you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
