i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
