Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
