look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
