Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
