According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize