Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
worst night to have a conscience
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
