Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
