I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
