Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I could make wine with my vomit
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
