I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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