So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
