I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
