Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
