Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
