I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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