I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize