Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
