my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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