He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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