You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
