ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
