so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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