I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize