this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
