god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
