I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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