I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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