Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
