Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
