Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
