her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
