Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
