and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
