I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
