Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
