I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
