...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
