Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
