based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
