bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
