I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
