My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
