you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
