just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
